I have this scared addiction to the future. Something about it keeps me dwelling in what's not here yet, but it ruins my present mood and deters me from current action. My worry wart just grows and not even liquid nitrogen can burn that puppy off. All someone has to do is implant the smallest seed in my head and I pour fertilizer on it because I can't just sit here and not think about how it will grow and look like. But I'm killing the tedious steps of growth that it naturally would take (or not take) by pumping hormones into it's roots. I don't have faith that it will take shape on its own the way seeds always do, and I have to help it out. Those around me chastise my growing techniques because they see the way it controls my daily life. I am constantly in the greenhouse tending to these thoughts. I can't leave them behind for chance they may do something without my consent. Sounds like control issues, which I won't deny, but often I think it's more than that. I think it is a trust issue in the Supernatural. My heart screams for freedom (as well as those around me), but my hands crave tinkering. It's like a need to burn this greenhouse and turn it into a church, where I can go and worship in these times. I forget it is all in His hands, not mine.

An eternal oasis

On Friday a thief
On Sunday a King
Laid down in grief
But awoke holding keys
To Hell on that day
The first born of the slain
The Man Jesus Christ
Laid death in his grave

Easter is the fulfillment of lent. The long-awaited oasis after wandering through the desert. A celebration of the promise that has already been fulfilled. Eternal significance.

Have you ever seen the rain?

Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know
It's been coming for some time.

When it's over so they say
It'll rain a sunny day
I know
Shinin down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
Comin down on a sunny day

Anointment

Captivated by a verse that talked about being anointed by the "oil of joy," I started to think. Now before I start, I want to preface that my thoughts tend to work like the game Jenga. I will start with a very well constructed and broad topic. Slowly but surely I seem to narrow down what I'm thinking bit by bit (all the while my imagination is zooming) until I have this very tailored and creative skeleton of something really cool. Often times I have thought up something I doubt anyone has every thought. And then it gets complicated and too difficult to maintain and marinate, so I just let it crumble and move on.

Now for being anointed with joy. I started to meditate on the beauty of this imagery. I got a massage once, and the most memorable part was the lathering of the warm oil. It was soothing and revitalizing. And I started to understand a little bit better the sensation of someone kneeling before the throne of the King, shaking because they're so dang nervous, and being absolutely deluged in warm and fragrant oil.

It's a symbol of renewal and cleansing, but it has some fine print writing that the announcer doesn't say really fast at the end of the commercial. It entails something very significant: that you are now blessed and have received a higher calling from the King which is to act according to His purposes. The oil is only temporary, it eventually gets washed off or soaked into your skin, but you never really get anointed again so the renewal comes from the knowledge of the Holy from now on.

It's kind of like you fall and mess up. You're kneeling on the ground to examine the scraped knee. And then you realize you need a little help from an ointment which promises healing. Funny how that works.

treenemone

Batter My Heart

Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me,'and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt town, to another due,
Labor to admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy:
Divorce me,'untie, or break that knot again;
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

Hump Day Blog Session

Thus begins the once-a-week blog post. Sporadic is the word that describes this 2 year long blogging endeavor. But it would do me good to re-harness some continuity. Therefore, this week I am writing about gardening. I have had the craving to grow something. Personal spiritual growth has very visible manifestations, but I think it would behoove my overly-eager spirit to see the process of growth play out in front of me.

My impatience is like a farmer who waits for the hay to ripen so he can bale and see the benefits of his labor.

So let's go til a plot, plant some seeds, and watch them grow.